Last day at work today! Yeah! I really hate this job and I think thats been getting me down recently. I woke up this morning and felt on top of the world. Okay, so I've got to endure the boss' speech at my leaving presentation (if he remembers I'm leaving of course) and smile sweetly at the usually caustic comments in the leaving card. All the nasty comments are jealousy based. I know, I used to write most of them! Oh, it's like the end of a prison sentence, not that I'd know what that's like but it can't be much different to this.
So, I'm top of the world this morning and Mags has a face on her like a fart at a nun's funeral. I asked her what's up (big mistake) and she growls "nothing, I'm fine". Now I may not be the most observant bloke but when it comes to women I know two things: 1) I'm fine means I'm NOT fine and 2) New shoes=happiness
Still, undaunted by my uplifted spirits (soon to be un-uplifted), I pressed on.
"Come on, give us a smile!", I said.
"Piss off!", was her curt and unnecessary reply.
With that Owen started screaming over the baby monitor.
"Argh! Won't that bloody child shut the f**k up", she practically screamed, tpulling the pillow over her head briefly before throwing it at the wall and then storming out the bed room.
Hmmm, somethings the matter, I thought. Better get to the bottom of it. So I followed her into Owen's room, just in time to hear the stream of expletives she was uttering.
"Not in front of the baby", I chasticed.
"You deal with it then", she said, turned on her heel and went and locked herself in the toilet.
I looked at Owen and then I saw what she was on about. He was covered in crap. Somehow he had managed to get his nappy off and then had a play with the contents. The room stank and everything was a subtle shade of brown. Owen's first dirty protest was an astounding success. He smiled at me and pointed.
"Dadda", he said.