Owen went to a party with his God father Ben, yesterday. His cousins kid was having a birthday party and so O was invited. All sounds good so far. Mags and me had an evening to ourselves (which was great - as she still isn't speaking to me). Then Owen is brought home and he is going mental. He is running around, bouncing off the walls, rolling on the floor, alternately giggling and then screaming. Mags went to pick him up but he just bit her and then slapped her. I must admit, it was hard to supress a laugh. She was distraught and ran out the room. I asked Ben what had happened to O and he went quiet.
"Ben man, come on, what happened? He's not like this normally", I said.
"Erm, well, it was like this, erm..."
"Come on! Out with it!"
"It's nothing bad, well not really, but...", he said.
"but, what?", I asked
"Chocolate cake", he finally responded.
"What about chocolate cake?", I quizzed.
"He ate one."
"Right, and?", I said.
"No, he ate all of one", he said.
"Okay. He has had chocolate cake before", I said. It's true, Owen has had a bit of cake now and then, when his mum isn't looking. Mags doesnt believe that children should be exposed to sugary foods and drinks because she says that it affects their palette and makes them into fussy eaters. Fair enough, but I don't think a bit now and then hurts, so if she isn't looking and one happens to be there...
"You don't understand. He ate a whole chocolate cake.", he said.
"Right...", I said, waiting for the punchline. He gestured with his hands. He drew a head sized "O" in the air.
"He ate a full, big, proper chocolate cake. All of it. I took my eyes off him, just for a moment and when I found him...", he started.
"You lost my son?", I said.
"No, I didn't lose him exactly, just temporarily misplaced him a bit", he tried to explain.
"Ben! You were looking after my son! You don't misplace someones son!", I was getting angry now.
"He's fine, just a bit excited"
"He's off his nut!", I cried.
"I only turned my back for a minute and he got into the kitchen and set at the birthday cake. When I walked in, he had two handfuls left. It's not so bad, most of it was round his face. Looked like he had a beard."
I told Ben that we'd discuss it later and he left with his head bowed. Owen in the meantime was trying to force Pete the cat into the washing machine. Pete wasn't too happy about this and was making quite a noise. I rescued him, much to Owens displeasure. Owen ran at me, head down like a bull charging. I caught him and lifted him up. He lunged at my face, his hands, like crawls, pawing at my face. My God, this boy had turned ferral! Luckily it didnt last long. A few minutes later he crashed and fell asleep on the floor with his bum up in the air. I put him to bed and checked on Mags. She was in bed, pretending to be asleep.
Owen was back to his normal self in the morning and I thought all was well. Later this morning we got a phone call from a couple of the other mothers of kids at the party complaining about Owen. One of them, a prissy, sour faced old bag, accused us of raising a savage. She said that Owen had assaulted her little Maisie. Maisie is 4 and about 6 stone! By lunchtime the complaints had been fended off by a combination of apology, grovelling and persuasion. Two potential court cases were averted and Owen was no longer due to receive a summons! I was quite proud of my skillful diplomacy. Mags is speaking to me again but says that Ben is no longer welcome in our house. A bit of a bind as he was meant to be coming round to help lay our new wood flooring in the lounge.